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The Betrayal Wound

Updated: Aug 8, 2022

Note: A helpful first step in the process of working on yourself is to identify your emotional trauma wounds and ego mask. If you haven't yet identified your emotional trauma a.ka. soul wounds, you can use this quiz to help you.

In this article we will cover the betrayal wound and:

  • Find out what mask your ego puts on to avoid the pain associated with this wound and how it manifests through your behavior (withdrawn, dependent, masochist, controlling or harsh).

  • Learn to identify what activates your wound.

  • Learn how to begin healing.

The Wound of Betrayal

According to Bourbeau, betrayal becomes a core soul wound when experienced between 2 and 4 years of age, in a relationship with a parent of the opposite sex. This is usually due to the parent’s inability to provide a trusting bond that fulfills our needs at this crucial stage of psychological development.

If we lose trust in a parent (due to physical absence, emotional inattentiveness, unfulfilled promises, lies, or their inability/unwillingness to protect us from harm) during our very early childhood, we form limiting beliefs that later manifest as self-sabotaging behaviors.

The ego’s reaction is to put on a controlling mask, which manifests itself through:

  • A strong desire to impose our will and point of view on others.

  • An inability to connect with our own sensitivity.

  • The feeling that we need to prove our own strength.

  • An addiction to self-improvement books, courses and seminars, with little progress.

  • Striving for honors, titles, the need to be special, and wanting to be important.

  • Attaching importance to reputation.

  • We do not tolerate lying from others but we lie when we think it's necessary.

  • We have very high expectations of others.

  • Strong impulse to plan everything.

  • Inflexible when thrown into unexpected situations.

  • Distrusting of the opposite sex.

  • It's hard for us to confide in others.

  • We can tend to jump to conclusions too quickly.

  • Proud of our ability to reason and take action immediately. (Which can backfire).

  • We re-enact patterns of suddenly ending relationships, often cutting contact abruptly.

  • We're very impatient!

Biggest Anxieties: Dissociation. Separation. Denial.

How do wounds get activated?

Every day we go from one wound to another depending on the circumstances and people around us.

  • The wound can be activated by somebody’s attitude or behavior towards us.

  • It could also be activated by our attitude towards someone else.

  • We can also activate it ourselves by our attitude towards ourselves.